Darkness

Darkness comes again. I do not just mean the lack of sunlight outside.

When son #1 and 2 were little we moved to Michigan. I lost my beloved grandmother and I slowly slipped into a depressed state. I knew I was there but did not know how bad it was until son #2 sat down next to me one morning and with his hand on my face he said "don't cry Mommy, I love you." This was monumental for him and I. He has an auditory processing disorder and that was one of his first full and understandable sentences. It was also what made me realize I needed help.

I went to the doctor and to my minister for support. It took a little more than a year for me to work through all that had happened and I slowly came off the medicine. I have been without depression since then ... up until now.

I realized Sunday that depression was slowly creeping back into my life. The dark has started to seep into my everyday being. I do not feel as hopeless as I did when the boys are little. It was a single comment by someone I know in passing that made me realize that the events of this year were and are weighing to heavy on me. With the simple words "you look defeated" I realized that for the first time in very long time a felt defeated.

What brought me to this point is not really necessary to discuss; what is important is that I recognized the dark before it swallowed me whole. So today I met with my doctor and with her help and the support of my family and friends I hope to step out of the darkness very soon.

Saturday School

So today was not the first Saturday school of the year but it is the first one that the social studies department worked. We shared the day with English.

For this Saturday school we had 101 students show up. The disappointing piece; only 6 of them were mine. The 6 that showed are all doing fine in the class...the other 56 not so much. Okay maybe the other 45 not so much. I have 4 students that have zero for their average. Yes you read that right a zero. They have turned nothing in. They are making me crazy. How do you sit in class, do your work, and then not turn it it? It makes no sense to me.

After Saturday school was over I had my massage that was followed by a nap. That always makes life better.

Husband I also did our Samaritan's Purse shopping this evening so that they can be turned in at church tomorrow morning. When we do this each year we always do a boy box and a girl box. I always hope the little girl that gets the box is a girly girl because I pink and purple that box out. Hey it's my once a year events.

Life is good.