Darkness

Darkness comes again. I do not just mean the lack of sunlight outside.

When son #1 and 2 were little we moved to Michigan. I lost my beloved grandmother and I slowly slipped into a depressed state. I knew I was there but did not know how bad it was until son #2 sat down next to me one morning and with his hand on my face he said "don't cry Mommy, I love you." This was monumental for him and I. He has an auditory processing disorder and that was one of his first full and understandable sentences. It was also what made me realize I needed help.

I went to the doctor and to my minister for support. It took a little more than a year for me to work through all that had happened and I slowly came off the medicine. I have been without depression since then ... up until now.

I realized Sunday that depression was slowly creeping back into my life. The dark has started to seep into my everyday being. I do not feel as hopeless as I did when the boys are little. It was a single comment by someone I know in passing that made me realize that the events of this year were and are weighing to heavy on me. With the simple words "you look defeated" I realized that for the first time in very long time a felt defeated.

What brought me to this point is not really necessary to discuss; what is important is that I recognized the dark before it swallowed me whole. So today I met with my doctor and with her help and the support of my family and friends I hope to step out of the darkness very soon.